Move Over…It’s My Turn to Speak

So how did I become this person? The one who everyone turns to for advice and looks to for solving their problems. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and I love being there for my friends. However, I find that random people turn to me for advice. Recently, I took the quiz on archetypeme.com to find out what archetype I am.  It was interesting, albeit, not mind blowing because I am rather introspective and have a pretty good sense of who I am.  According to the outcome of the quiz, I am a caregiver…well I could have pretty much ascertained that for myself; however, I was surprised that I am 43% caregiver, 25% intellectual, 12% spiritual and 20% other (whatever other is??).  So, literally I must have caregiver written on my forehead. 

Maybe you are a caregiver too and find yourself giving a lot of yourself through the day. Don’t you find sometimes that it’s exhausting and you’d like to download some of your “stuff” onto others? Wait…Wait…it’s not allowed. The moment your so-called friend sees your number on call display, now it’s time for them to unload on you. There has to be some give and take in any great relationship whether between friends or lovers, so we need to learn to be good and effective listeners. I’ve dropped friends before for not caring enough about what I’m doing or taking any interest in my life. Trust me, I’ve also been the one dumped for not being a good friend…I’ve learned my lesson (I hope). Nonetheless, being a good friend is hard work and some people are better at it than others. We are all on a journey in this lifetime. When it’s my time to go, I hope my friends and family can say “she was a good friend.”

What I have learned and believe it or not texting has taught me this, that

Hi. How are you?

is sometimes just the vehicle others use to talk about themselves. Some people could care less, really, about how you are.

What did you do last night?

is only the price of admission so they can talk about their night. And the classic,

You’ll never believe what happened to me

means that you will never get a text in edge wise because it’s all about them. Sometimes some friends just spew out all their stuff first and then you move on to being able to talk about yourself, this is normal and should be infrequent. Your good friends know the balance, the point at which they must return the favour of listening first.

During a meeting with a spiritual advisor, she said that I had to learn to say “no” more often and to not sacrifice my well-being for the well-being of others.  When I eventually did that, I lost so-called friends, but I’m much happier now. Learning to say no has been liberating for me,

so move over…it’s my turn to speak.

~Jennifer Ward

RantingnRaven on twitter