Ahoy Saturday! What searches led us here?

Some visitors to our site come here looking for something special, something specific.  They're on a journey of discovery and somehow that journey leads them here.  What are they looking for?  More importantly, do they find it?  Let's find out. 

“take back the night literature”
This warms and breaks my heart.  I’m pleased Take Back The Night is being searched for but I’m not at all pleased that such a movement is still needed due to unending risk of assault.  Whoever you are, I hope you found what you were looking for.  Good luck to you. 

 “i don’t want polygamy”
Then don’t do it, friend!  You don’t have to be part of that lifestyle if you don’t want to.  Freedom of choice.  Just don’t hate on those that do.  Different strokes for different folks.  I feel like an advice columnist which, tangentially, is a job I always thought I’d be good at because I don’t truck with pandering.  I’d be like “Girl, dump his ass.  And use the outside fork for salad.”

“can i mae holes in ikea malm”
Interesting.  Can you unpack this for me?  Are you asking if holes come pre-drilled in Malm or if it’s advisable to just bash your own holes into Malm?  I think I need more information.  Though I am pleased that you recognize my Ikea furniture assembly prowess, obviously.  Well spotted, searcher.

“ikea expedit allen wrench size”
I’m not actually a professional Ikean (I’m not even Swedish) but I believe I can say with relative authority that all Ikea allen wrenches are the same size.  It’s more or less one allen wrench to rule them all, one allen wrench to find them, one allen wrench to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.  Though there were nineteen other wrenches of power distributed throughout Ikea.  Nine were given to the realm of bedrooms for their Malm and Hemnes dressers.  Seven were given to the living-room lords so that bookshelves and couches may be assembled.  And three were entrusted to the kitchens: the wrench of fire, the wrench of water, and the wrench of air.  But the one allen wrench rules them all.  

“can sharks be picked up by a tornado”
Yes.  Though I am indeed an authority on this - as with other scientific mysteries like how to detonate a tornado - my knowledge comes not from within but without.  For I merely watched the nature documentary Sharknado to amass the vast storehouse of shark science and tornado fact that I now dazzle you with.  

“windsor royal vampires”
What horror have I wrought?  One little mention of the royal baby and vampires together and look at what happens.  I’d apologize to the royals except that I actually find this search so hilarious I want it to continue forever.  Just like the family will because immortality!

“sgt rick hunter”
Who are you, searcher?  Can we be friends?  Anybody searching for Sergeant Rick Hunter is clearly my soul mate.  Come back and share with me your tales of why “it works for you” and how you shoot first and ask questions later if you maybe have time and how the captain always gives you the shittiest cars because you wreck stuff and can we talk about McCall and the undercover hooker disguises?  


- Corinne Simpson