I have approximately one thousand ideas every hour (understand that numbers hold no meaning for me, I just choose them randomly and hope they make the sentence impressive) and of those I’d guess half are totally inappropriate for any sort of public or shared conversation at any time, a quarter are rambling nonsense, and the other quarter are so intense and involved that I don’t have them completely figured out before the next barrage of ideas overtakes me. If I’m lucky I get a couple of them down in point form. If not, the ether of time feasts on them and regurgitates them in someone else’s brain. (Time Ether: Stolen Story Vomitous - coming soon to a theatre near you.)
On that note, here is a week’s worth of half-digested thoughts, twitter exchanges, and search queries for your amusement.
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
I consider The Game of Life to be a terrible invention. In what universe is spending your life playing a game that closely approximates a version of life I either don’t want, already have, or ought to work for not sadism? I feel like a bastardized Yoda quote applies to this. “Do or do not. There is no game.” Also let’s not get me started on the arbitrary gender assignations of pink and blue, etc, etc, which is another rant for another time.
Revel in the incredible true story of the woman at work who asked if the stairs were working. "Are the stairs working today?" she asked. Full disclosure: we do not have an escalator in the building. "Yes," I said. I may also have stared at her in open bafflement. "Oh good," she said before exiting and heading in the direction of the elevators.
I yelled at the cat, who is supposed to be my muse, “be amusing”. I feel like I developed wrong ideas about muses from watching Sharon Stone in The Muse which involves a lot of crazy, cookies, and expensive gifts from Tiffany's. If this is confusing, watch the movie. Unless you dislike Albert Brooks and then definitely don't. I haven't delved into my enduring affection for Sharon Stone since we christened this blog and that's something I'm going to need to amend because to me she is deliriously entertaining at all times. I sense a Basic Instinct live blog in my very near future. Also this quote from Diabolique: Woman: "Smoking kills, you know." Sharon: (smoking) "Not reliably." Looking back on this entire paragraph I was going to ask how we got from my cat to Sharon Stone by way of Basic Instinct but the gods of better taste prevailed and I demurred.
On Twitter this happened:
Finally, the searches this week have been off the hook.
“everything we know about”
... what? Everything we know about tornados? Everything we know about vampires? Everything we know about dreams? Everything we know about Ikea? Everything we know about polygamy? Or is this the google equivalent of a cry to the heavens? “Just tell me everything we know about!” O wretched universe of secrets hidden within mysteries that our minds feebly grasp at, driven as they are by the relentless thirst of our souls... *shakes fist at sky*
“never do fleating”
I had to define this fascinating word. ‘Fleating’. I found eating disorder clinics in Florida, a Facebook page containing nothing, and several articles about a flea circus. ‘Fleat’ without the suffix is the third-person singular present active subjunctive of the Latin verb 'flere' (to weep, cry). So either this scholar is telling us, in some hybrid English-Latin manner, never to do weeping or this person is saying never do fleeting which, I guess, is about not passing too quickly by things. Like spellcheck.
“bo derek nasty”
I’m insulted that this search led here and baffled as to how since in my memory we’ve never discussed Bo Derek nor would we, if we had, use the word ‘nasty’ in conjunction with her. Whoever you are, I have half a mind to slap you with a glove and demand satisfaction in the form of a duel. However I don’t own a foil and my gloves are at the cleaners so you skirt by this one time on a technicality. Don’t let it happen again.
This has been your VampireNomad week in review. VampireNomad: where we remain, as always, TEAM GEORGE.
- Corinne Simpson