Last time, on Roommate TV Talk, Ginger and I discussed upcoming shows we hadn’t yet seen and were excited to watch. Among them were American Horror Story: Coven, Penny Dreadful, Agents of SHIELD, Once Upon A Time, Once Upon A Time in Wonderland, Walking Dead, Elementary, The Strain, Hannibal, CSI, and Intelligence. Of those, which ones survived the great cull? Or the TV Hunger Games, if you’re looking for a more pertinent cultural reference. It’s time to take stock.
VampireNomad: First I have to say that Penny Dreadful and The Strain still aren’t out.
Ginger: Nope. The Strain has a release date but Penny Dreadful doesn’t.
V: So what are we still watching?
G: We’re still watching Once Upon A Time, CSI, American Horror Story: Coven, Walking Dead...
V: Well you are. I don’t do zombies.
G: ... and Elementary. Was Sherlock on the list?
G: It should have been on the list.
V: Well we’re watching it so we can add it now.
V: I think first we need to talk about tomorrow.
G: Oh. The ‘big event’. The return of Catherine Willows to prime time television.
V: Dun dun dunnnn. Yes! The biggest event. In the VampireNomad timeline of Catherine, Intelligence is the sequel to Catherine’s side of CSI. Like she left CSI Vegas and got a new job at Intelligence.
G: At the FBI, actually, where she was scooped up immediately by the CIA because she is awesome.
V: Yes, exactly. And she changed her name so they wouldn’t all be intimidated by her greatness.
G: And all spies use pseudonyms. Look how many guys have said they’re James Bond.
G: Speaking of James Bond, there’s a miniseries coming out about Ian Fleming. Maybe one day that will be on Netflix like The Hour and we can not watch it too.
V: I love The Hour but I like not watching it better. For a great show it’s awfully dull.
G: Dominic West is great.
V: He’s always great. He’s so sexy. Maybe he’ll turn up on Intelligence.
G: Maybe. What did he end up doing when The Wire was over? McNulty I mean, the character.
V: Uhhhh.... wasn’t he a beat cop?
G: Was he a beat cop?
V: Wasn’t he?
G: Well maybe the CIA will pick him up too. Then he’ll be on Intelligence.
V: Hannibal hasn’t come back yet, right?
G: Not yet.
V: I basically live to watch Hannibal secretly feed people to Laurence Fishburne.
G: He has it coming.
V: He so does. We’re enjoying Elementary and Once Upon A Time, aren’t we?
V: Well Once Upon A Time is totally batshit.
G: It’s ridiculous but I love it.
V: I think I roll my eyes so high some episodes I’m worried they’ll get stuck.
G: Yeah, it’s a soap opera.
V: At least it knows it, though. I hated Wonderland.
G: Couldn’t even watch it. The CGI was offensive to my eyes.
V: And Jafar was offensive to all my senses. How’d they go wrong there? He’s actually a really great actor.
G: I don’t think we watched it enough to give an honest criticism of him but I think the greatest failure was that they made it a love story instead of an adventure about a fierce independent little girl.
V: Agreed. Ultimate fail. Disservice to literature. Oh, we love AHS: Coven, though!
G: Coven is great.
V: I love Danny Huston in it. He’s sassy!
G: He is sassy. I’m surprised by how much I like Emma Roberts in it. I was fully prepared to hate her.
V: It’s true. And Jessica Lange is always brilliant.
V: Also Angela Bassett is glowing.
G: She might actually be a witch.
V: She might. She looks vaguely immortal.
G: There’s no other explanation for that skin.
V: Do we dare talk about Agents of SHIELD?
G: I think Alan said it all. And he gave it more of a shot than we did.
V: Agreed. And his summary was very on point. But the difference is he’s still waiting for it to get better...
G: Well he can let us know.
V: At this point they’d need to have an entire hour featuring Robert Downey Jr. naked to make me tune back in. I really hated it.
G: It was really bad. What about Sleepy Hollow?
V: Sleepy Hollow is problematic for me. I want to like it. And sometimes I do like it. But it’s so weirdly tidy with it’s demon-a-week premise.
G: Yeah, the monster-a-week premise is difficult. And I don’t care enough about the longterm storyline. Ichabod Crane is great, though.
V: Oh yeah he is.
G: And the actress who plays the cop?
V: Oh yeah, what’s her name?
G: Girl Who Used To Sleep With Michael Fassbender. Nicole something.
V: I’m pretty sure she’s stoked to be forever known as Michael Fassbender’s former lay.
G: Well now she’s the Girl On Sleepy Hollow Whose Name I Can’t Remember.
V: Anyway she’s pretty good.
G: She’s great.
V: But overall I’m not excited about watching it.
G: I think our original plan was to wait until summer and watch them all at once when there’s nothing else to watch. I think we stick to that plan. It can’t be worse than True Blood.
V: Oh my god, True Blood. It’s not even worth it for Eric porn anymore.
G: Well he is coming back. But...
V: It’s a clusterfuck of insanity.
G: It’s terrible. I can barely even hate-watch it anymore.
V: I love Elementary, though.
G: Elementary is great. Lucy Liu is a great Watson.
V: Remember I said she might be my favorite Watson ever? I stand by that.
G: It seems to be a popular opinion.
V: And as great as the Cumberbatch is, I really do love Elementary’s Sherlock. He’s very true to me. Also Aidan Quinn still has lovely eyes.
V: We haven’t talked about CSI.
G: What’s to say about CSI? There’s been a marked improvement this year from last year.
V: I agree. I think the writers have stepped up a bit and found the characters’ footing. And of course Nick is back.
G: Team George.
V: And I fully confess that I am now onboard with Elisabeth Shue.
G: I like her too.
V: But I will always and forever be Team George.
G: Forever. And Team Catherine.
V: Which goes without saying. I think that sums up TV.
G: Well we didn’t talk about Doctor Who but I won’t make you go there.
V: *eye roll*
G: Did you see the crack in the wall yesterday?
V: It was a light refraction, not a crack. You’re not Amy Pond.
G: I guess you’re just not suited to be the doctor’s companion. You’re way too much of a Scully.
V: I’m flattered and confused. That may be the first time in my life I’ve been accused of being too scientific and logical for something. Oh! Supernatural!
G: Oh yeah. You’re a little late to the party on that one.
V: I was scared by the burning girl and it distracted me from seeing Dean. Now that I’ve seen him, I’m onboard. But I hate the dad.
G: Fair. He’s a bully.
V: We have like five seasons of it? Nine?
G: Nine seasons I think? Eight? I don’t remember how many times anybody has died. Oh - spoiler.
G: But they’re sexy so it’s okay. We’ll forgive them.
V: You realize this entire roundup is basically about who we find hot on TV.
G: Isn’t that why we watch TV?
V: Is it? I’m not arguing, I just think maybe it makes us look more shallow than we should.
G: We watch loads of BBC and HBO. And we’re not watching Coven for hot dudes. Frankenboy does nothing for me and neither does Danny Huston.
V: Let it be said for the record that all Hustons do something for me.
G: You’ve never told us that before.
V: Oh shut up. Can we call this a wrap? Let’s end with the recommendations.
G: CSI. Better than it used to be.
V: Better than it used to be since Catherine left.
G: Yeah, okay. Once Upon A Time.
V: Do you have a tagline for that?
G: Once Upon A Time: from the creators of Lost...
V: Lol. Coven.
G: Awesome. Buy the DVD.
V: Intelligence, I’m calling it now, will be amazing. Tune in tomorrow. (Or today, really, if you're reading this Tuesday.) And Elementary and Sherlock. Because apparently Sherlock Holmes is so hot right now.
G: Yes he is.
V: That’s the wrap up. Let’s watch something!
G: Scream 2?
V: Let’s do it!
- Corinne Simpson