Debbie Jellinsky: I don't wanna hurt anybody. I don't enjoy hurting anybody. I don't like guns, or bombs, or electric chairs. But sometimes people just won't listen. And so, I have to use persuasion. And slides. My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or were they? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie. In her pretty pink tutu. My birthday. I was 10, and do you know what they got me? Malibu Barbie.
Morticia: Malibu Barbie.
Gomez: The nightmare.
Morticia: The nerve.
Debbie Jellinsky: That's not what I wanted! That's not who I was. ...
~ Addams Family Values
All I ever wanted was an Addams Family pinball machine. In it’s film-actor-voiced lit-up glory. My birthday. I was 983, and do you know what I got? ....
Well not an Addams Family pinball machine, people! I’ve been asking for this sucker for probably a decade now. I know you all think I’m kidding but I joke not. In the immortal words of Yoda, “Do or do not, there is no try”. I’m absolutely serious about acquiring an Addams Family pinball machine.
Do I know where I’d put it? No.
Is it something I need to continue living? No.
Is it useful for any of my jobs? No.
Will it drive the cat and roommate nuts? Yes.
Is is a pointless luxury item of no actual practical value? Yes.
Do I want one like I live and breathe? HELL YES.
When have you ever known me to put practicality over desire? An Addams Family pinball machine won’t feed me, clothe me, shelter me, pay me, hold me at night, dry my tears, help with rent, feed the cat, clean the house, reduce my debt, or bring about world peace. But you know what it will do? Be a badass source of endless entertainment. And that’s it. And you know what? That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.
Handy eBay link: http://www.ebay.com/bhp/addams-family-pinball
Other than the Addams Family pinball machine (which I feel like I'll be asking for until my dying day to no avail), the thing about birthdays and Christmases now is that I want very little. I mean I WANT things, I won't tell a bold-faced lie - I'm human and we live in a material world - but on the occasions I'm asked what I want for my birthday I often draw something of a blank. I have a lot of things. I'm not lacking. I'm grateful for the quality of my life. So what gifts I do get are really beautiful because they come from a sense of spontaneous generosity on the part of friends and family. And you guys know me so well! You know what delights and inspires and amuses and challenges me.
So my gift wish list is very small. It contains 1) Addams Family pinball machine and then 2) let's do dinner, 3) let's go watch ballet together, 4) books, always books, 5) let me make you up into something crazy, 6) let's get coffee...
The gift of time becomes more valuable as I age. Does that make me old? Or does it just start to register that the people and experiences are the things that resonate most upon reflection and the items surrounding the experiences fade into a jumbled blur in the background?
I guess if I get an Addams Family pinball machine it will only truly be fun if you guys come over and play with me.
- Corinne Simpson