Nathan's Laserium: Slipknot Day

Dear Mrs. Wilson,

Pyjama Day was a lot of fun. Pallas loved bringing her stuffy to school and pretending it was night time and drinking hot chocolate, all while wearing her pyjamas. She says it was her second favorite theme day after Princess Day. And she can't wait for Christmas Snowflake Day.

I've noticed you haven't yet responded to my suggestion for Slipknot Day. Perhaps you misplaced my note? I've tried speaking about it with you personally whenever I pick up Pallas from kindergarten but you always seem to be so busy, at least when you see me coming. Well, this letter snuck into her kangapouch should find its way to you at least!

So many ways to incorporate the Slipknot theme into the day. For a snack they could have cheese strings and practice tying slipknots with them. Either that or some sort of fruit would also be good.

The coveralls ought to be easy enough to get hold of- any walmart should have tons of the orange prisoner halloween costumes left over. For crafts they can make little goat patches a Slipknot logos and the band numbers. And obviously the masks would be the best craft ever! I understand some of the more ornate masks could be a little tricky for these little tykes.  But keep in mind they change them at least slightly for every album, so 9 times 5 equals 45 masks to choose from! And we could probably omit Chris Fehn's phallic nose mask from the equation altogether.

Speaking of equations, Slipknot is all about math. I’m surprised they’re not part of the Alberta curriculum, to be honest. Think of all the mathematical lessons to be imparted from their death metal wisdom- there are nine of them, but of course they each take numbers from 0-8. Right there, you could learn about integers and, like, formulas! There are mathematical formulas embedded right in Slipknot songs, did you know that? People = Shit. Ok, that might not be totally appropriate for kindergarteners, but how about Three Nil? You can teach the concept of nil and also how any number multiplied by zero is zero.  

Do you know what anything multiplied by Slipknot is? Awesome. It is awesome.

Think how awesome it will be on the culmination of Slipknot Day when all your students go to the front of the class to perform a singalong to a classic 'Knot anthem- perhaps All Hope Is Gone, or maybe The Blister Exists. Left Behind might make a good cautionary song to inspire the kids to strive to work hard in school so as not to be left behind. Sadly it would have to be an A Capella performance I think.  I've been polling your kids and none of them seem to be proficient at bashing oil drums with baseball bats.

I am excited! Please let me know when you'd like to schedule Slipknot Day and I will be sure to book a day off work so I can volunteer on that day and partake in the festivities.

Your Fellow Maggot,

Nathan Waddell