Sometimes songs are better the way I sing them. And sometimes... not.
Bush - Everything Zen
Actual lyric: “there’s no sex in your violence”
Misheard lyric: “there’s no sex in your violets”
Sure, the original lyric is dark and makes a brooding kind of sense. But it also makes sense not to have sex in violets because you will crush them.
Rihanna - We Found Love
Actual lyric: “we found love in a hopeless place”
Misheard lyric: “we found love in a hostess cake”
Upon reflection, these are the same thing. Just one is more delicious.
Alanis Morissette - Thank U
Actual lyric: “thank you terror”
Misheard lyric: “thank you Taber”
This is one isn’t fully mine. Out of fairness I won’t name the friend who also misheard it this way but we both apparently believed Alanis is a real fan of Taber corn. It is really good corn.
Pat Boone – Moody River
Actual lyric: “moody river, more deadly”
Misheard lyric: “booty river, more deadly”
This is one is all on my boss. Listening to the radio at work he suddenly said “Hey, is this song about a booty river?” and honestly it would be so much more epic if it was.
Billy Joel - We Didn’t Start the Fire
Has there ever been a song so innately simple that offers so much complex misunderstanding?
Actual lyric: “trouble in the Suez”
Misheard lyric: “trouble in the sewers”
Because the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lived in the sewers and trouble always followed them around. Yes, the Suez Canal also had a lot of trouble and is probably a more poignant historical reference but... whatever, I heard sewers. Which makes it a Turtle reference.
Actual lyric: “Belgians in the Congo”
Misheard lyric: “Belgians in the condo”
Maybe they were bringing waffles? To the condo? For breakfast?
Annie Lennox - No More I Love Yous
Actual lyric: “I used to be woebegone”
Misheard lyric: “I used to be warm at home”
In my defense, who says ‘woebegone’ ever anymore?
Blind Melon - No Rain
Actual lyric: “you know I’d like to keep my cheeks dry today”
Misheard lyric: “you know I’d like to keep my cheating strategy”
I actually only figured this one out as I was writing this piece. I put on some sweet nineties tunes as background music and decided, on a whim, to look up whether or not they say ‘strategy’ or ‘stragety’ (which is what it sounds like and which isn’t a word) and discovered, to my great shock, that it’s actually ‘keep my cheeks dry today’ which... what? My mind, it is blown.
Van Halen - Panama
I didn’t mishear a lyric here, I just spent my entire life believing I really loved a song called ‘Animal’. “Animal / Ani-maa-al...”
Then just last year I found out that Van Halen doesn’t have a song called ‘Animal’ and this song ‘Panama’ that I’d dismissed as a lesser song and never bothered to listen to is actually the song I’ve been listening to. And everything changed, man.
- Corinne Simpson