Nathan's Laserium: Dance Class

Each of their three great adventures would need a book to recount in full. Alas, no one alive can tell the tale. The heroes are too young to tell it for themselves, though they tried. They just couldn't get anyone to listen.

"Dad," said Ursula, age 6, "can you sign this parental consent form so we can go on a field trip?"

"In a minute, I'm just in the middle of something here." Dad was indeed busy, trying to beat a level on Candy Crush Saga. When he failed, he quickly signed the form and tried again.

"Thanks Dad!" Ursula ran off to find her sister. Sabine was in her cushion fort, reading comics. She was only 4 so she made up her own words.

"I got it, let's go!"

Sabine jumped up, her stack of comics scattering every which way. Together they ran to find Mom, who was in her room having a rest.

"Mom, mom!" Both girls shouted, jumping on her bed and on her.

"Ow! Get off me please. What?" Mom didn't much like being woken up via bodyslam.

"It's time to go it's time to go it's time to go!"

"Go where?"

"Ninja class!"

"Oh right, dance class. Uhm, can you get Dad to drive you? I'm too tired." She grabbed her phone and texted her husband.

{Can you take the girls to dance class}


[why what are you doing]

{i have to get ready for boot camp can you just do it please}

[fine  But you have to make supper]

[and no odoring pizza]


{thanks gunny! :) :) :)}

{hunny lol}

In the time it took for this textexchange to fly through the ether, the girls were already outside getting in the car. Dad came out a few minutes later, carrying their dance bags.

"You girls need to be more careful with your stuff. You almost forgot your dance costumes."

"Shinobi shozoku, dad! I keep telling you," Ursula said. "It's what ninjas wear."

"Right, ninjas. You can't be forgetting your ninja costumes when we go to dance class."

"Ninja class," Sabine said, but Dad was busy plugging his phone into the USB port of the car so he could listen to his music on the way to the dance studio.

The parking lot was full, as always, so he just stopped by the door and let the girls out. He said he'd park the car somewhere and meet them inside.

"Ninja class, dad! And thanks!" The girls ran in.

He circled the parking lot a few times before he finally found a spot. Unplugging his phone, he saw a banner alert on it telling him he had new rewards in Candy Crush Saga. So he played a few levels. Next thing he knew dance class was over and his daughters were climbing into the car.

"How was dance class?"

The girls were so excited neither of them bothered to correct him. "It was so awesome Dad!" Sabine said.

Ursula cut in. "We went to the Secret Land of Gamornia and we had to fight the dragon!"

"With our ninjutsu."

"And our katanas."

"Throwing stars too."

"Sabine lost her throwing star because the dragon scales just bounce them off like boing! but I got mine to stick and he sure was mad!" Ursula giggled, but Sabine stuck her tongue out at her sister for tattling about losing the throwing star.

Even though Dad was driving, he was also looking at his phone.

{Is dance class over}


{Can you pick up supper?}

"God. I told her to make supper."

"What did you say, Dad?"

"Nothing. We have to stop at the store and pick up some Kraft dinner."

"But isn't that so awesome about how we totally beat up the dragon?"

"And we saved Prince Daragon and he said we could have a reward."

"Yeah that's great girls. Should we get some hot dogs instead of Kraft Dinner?"

"Yeah hot dogs!"

"Ok, we'll get hot dogs. I just need everyone to not talk for a bit, I think I'm getting a headache."

"Ok, Dad."

"Dad?" said Ursula.

"What?" He rubbed his temples.

"Thanks for signing the consent form. We get to go back next week."

"Yeah no problem. But seriously, just give me a few minutes ok? My head is really starting to throb over here."

The next week, the girls crossed over again into fair Gamornia, where they helped Prince Daragon reunite the broken shards of Xixix, thereby banishing the dread lord Fangtooth to the Prison of  angBo. This took several weeks in Gamornian time, which luckily was only an hour on Earth, thanks to relativity.

Their mother was waiting in the lobby for them to finish dance class. She was talking with the other moms, in between texting and facebooking. The girls came racing out and were shoving at each other in order to be the first to recount their adventures.

"Girls, stop! Get your shoes." She turned back to the other mom she'd been talking to. "Sorry about that. They get so riled up after dance class. But yes, I will text you and we can meet for coffee. I really think I have the right solution for your - Sabine, please get your rock out of my face, I'm talking."

Sabine was only trying to show her mom the FireRuby Daragon had given her. Its magical properties didn't work here on Earth, and so it did look much like a rock. "Sorry, Mom," she said.

Their biggest adventure awaited them the following week. Daragon's own brother had risen in revolt of the crown, raising an army of vultorcs and crocoblins. Against overwhelming odds, Ursula led the valiant Gamornians in hand-to-hand battle before the gates of Yllerium. Her tactics and leadership won the day, though at the last the evil Daladin snuck in to the throne room and was about to assassinate his own brother. Had Sabine not foreseen this trickery all might have been lost, even as the hordes were routed by her sister. But she stepped out from the shadows and bested Daladin fairly, in single combat. Daragon declared the sisters Co-Empresses of Gamornia in perpetuity, though the humble warriors insisted on establishing a fair and equitable society with elected leaders. A democracy, in other words, though they knew not that word.

Back on Earth, both Mom and Dad were waiting in the car. They were arguing about something, though, so neither one of them even asked about dance class.

At bedtime, Dad read them a story and tucked them in. Before he turned out the lights though, he said, "Girls, I know how much you loved dance class-"

"Ninja class," they both said.

"-but your mother and I have been looking at our budget, and we've decided that we can't really afford to register you for it next semester. Hopefully things will improve at work again and they can get me back to full-time. BUt for now... I'm sorry."

"It's ok, Dad. Daragon said it was unusual for the Chosen Ones to not be orphans because orphans can stay in Gamornia but kids with parents have to go home, and anyways, the portal is closed now so we can't go back anymore."

"Um, right. Yes. I'm glad you understand. Well, good night."

"Dad?" said Sabine.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Can we still keep our bicycles?"

"Yes of course, sweetie! No one is going to take your bikes away."

"Ok. Love you dad."

"Love you too. Go to sleep, little ninjas."


- Nathan Waddell