Confession time. I downloaded the Kim Kardashian: Hollywood app on a bored and crazed whim. I have now lived to regret and curse that whim. Forty-eight hours later I am roundly addicted to what is quite possibly the most inane game ever invented. (Yes, more inane than Hungry Hungry Hippos!) And yet I can't... stop... playing.
I've also learned a lot. Life lessons I will now share with you so you don't have to play the game yourself. Whatever you do, do not download this app. This is some kind of eighth ring of hell and I can't get out. I'm not even sure I want out because I have a club opening to attend and an ad campaign to shoot...
Kill me now.
Every up-and-coming celebrity takes the bus. The bus goes between important locations like Downtown LA, Hollywood, Beverly Hills, and LAX.
Options are overrated.
Even when Kim offers to pay for something, don’t let her. It’s more important that she look good and you curry favor.
Your boss will stand and watch you impatiently for all four hours of your shift but won’t actually do anything.
Whenever you are not in conversation, any time really, the acceptable things to do with your hands are toss your hair and check your manicure.
Even when you don’t have enough energy to complete tasks at work or on photo shoots, it’s okay to change your outfit. And hair. And makeup. Do this as often as you like while building up energy for actual work.
It costs $15 to fly from LAX to Miami.
It costs $950 to buy a rock band tee shirt.
It costs 20 diamond K stars to adopt a stray kitten pre-named Charli.
Acceptable things to do on a date are: flirt, make romantic gestures, kiss, order dessert (but don’t eat it as food never appears), and get phone numbers.
Willow Pape is your enemy whether you want one or not.
Sometimes the only option available is to come back later.
When Kim calls, you better jump.
Landlords are demanding slobs who stand around outside your apartment (or sometimes inside it) and ask for money.
If there is an choice between a sensible answer and ‘using charm’, the right answer is always to use charm.
When you complete a task - any task - money and popularity fall from the sky.
Getting a drink is an acceptable way to fulfill work commitments.
When in doubt, check your manicure.
- Corinne Simpson