[Insert Amazing Title About Me Being Some Kind of God Here]

January 12th, an auspicious day in the annals of VampireNomadism. Not half as auspicious as January 13th, though. To celebrate both days - also known as "the day I write my post" and "the day the post is posted" - I've decided to delve deep into the (sometimes dank) archives of the VampireNomad Crypt to show you exactly what was on my mind on this day/these days in history.

I used to be a lot less.... proper in my posting. Just more off-the-cuff so to speak. And I used to curse more. (Mom, I KNOW - how is it even possible for me to curse more than I do now? I'm like a damn sailor already! No disrespect to Ben Affleck or sailors.) I might need to make a resolution to get back to that. Less political correctness, more in-your-faceness. Clearly also more made-up words. Because: science.

Also not for nothing, I used to make resolutions in January whose sole purpose was to celebrate Catherine Willows and annoy the ever-loving hell out of my brother-in-law. What happened to me, man? I used to be like some kind of GOD!

 

On the 13th of 2005...

*points out of the screen like an Uncle Sam recruitment poster*

Consider this an update, Soldier. NOW GET BACK TO WORK!

*clasps hands behind back and strides offscreen*

 

P.S. Hunter Season One is out on DVD now. Aarongorn sent me this all-important news update. So for those of you who miss me so much you can't stand it and just have to buy me presents to stave off the misery of facing February without me, you now know what to get. Have I mentioned that Stephen J. Cannell is a genius? I mean this ONE MAN made both The A-Team and Hunter, possibly the two greatest contributions to television of all time. I bow to your genius, Stephen J. Cannell. If I had my autographed picture of Stepfanie Kramer with me, I'd light a few candles around it in your honor.

 

On the 12th of 2007...

Here's my favorite recent headline:
"Beckham gives up football, takes up soccer in L.A."

Also, when I did a Google search for Optimus Prime for my last post, I turned up a US National Guard firefighter who legally changed his name to Optimus Prime some years ago. And instead of changing it back, like a sane person would after the novelty had worn off, he's still officially known as Mr. Optimus Prime; loving husband, father of four, and National Guardsman. Who would do that? And how do you take somebody seriously after they've done that? It's like Sting. Sting, believe it or not, is not his real name. (I know, SHOCKER.) It's normal now to call him Sting. It feels right. But he was born Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner and at some point in his formative years he gathered his mates together and said "Right, from now on I want to be known as 'Sting'. So no more 'Gordo' or 'Gord'. It's Sting, okay?" Then he went on to be a (soft) rock star and had endless hours of tantric sex so it's okay that he's Sting. But National Guardsman Optimus Prime? If he's not in service anymore, what's he doing? Selling insurance? Pumping gas? "Hi, I'm Optimus Prime. I understand you have questions about your life insurance policy."

I can't even imagine what sort of man would change his name to Optimus Prime. Oh wait, yes I can... a United States of America serviceman from Ohio who strongly identified with the fictional leader of the robot/vehicle Autobots as a father figure. At age 30. If this doesn't tell you a lot about what might be wrong with America today, nothing will.

 

On the 13th of 2008...

Somewhere in the hidden binary fields of our multi-faceted data storage facilities, the things I really want to watch are gamboling about like spring lambs with tails. Navigating through the varied external hard drive levels of storage* via the Xbox is a lot like playing Pac-Man blind. How in HELL am I supposed to find anything? With the ghosts in the way and shit...

What were their names again? Inky, Blinky, Pinky and... Rudolph?

*Note: nothing has been illegally downloaded. Not ever. Not even once. I am totally saying everything has been fully legally purchased and is just STORED, for the sake of posterity and shelf space, in the inter-ether of File City.

I digress. Though, topically, I hear it's now considered against the law to rip your own legally purchased CDs into MP3 format in order to listen to them on your iPod, iriver, Nomad Jukebox, (insert music medium of choice here). It's like living in a fucking POLICE STATE! What do you mean I can't put legally purchased music on my Nomad? That's like saying it's against the law to put your own personal photos in albums for easier viewing. No, you need to BUY THAT RIGHT. Albums go against everything photographs stand for, you know that.

Is it possible that the more technologically advanced we become, the more we regress in terms of freedom? Witness the virtual hours I lose looking for things stored in the rings of hell known as our computer system. And the lawsuits against music downloaders. And the illegality of translating your own stuff into formats easier to carry around. I wonder if all this gadgetry isn't just sealing our doom, collectively speaking?

It's just a theory. You know, talk amongst yourselves and the like.

I need a bowl of Count Chocula. Blogging about real life is draining. I far prefer posts about CSI. Speaking of which, tomorrow is a brand new week! WOOT! Something to look forward to, SKOTTY. xx

 

- Corinne Simpson