For the Night is Long and Full of Fur

10:30PM

The beautiful siren call of the Internet has kept me up too late again.  10:30PM may not seem too bad to most people, but when you start your day a little after 5AM, it hurts…a lot.

Just as I’m ready to crawl into bed, there comes a tap-tap-tapping at my window.  Several months…no…wait…it’s a couple of years ago now…anyway, some time ago my daughter was kind enough to let our cat know that my window is missing a screen and that she (meaning the kitty) can get in and out of the house that way.  To let me know that she wants in or out, le furball extends a claw just enough to tap on the glass with it. 

Smart kitty.

Stupid human for letting this go on.

But I have.  And every night about this time, the kitty decides to come in for the night.  I unlock the window, open it, and she hops in.  While she heads straight off to eat and get a drink, I slide into bed.

A short time later, she hops up on the bed as well and curls up beside me down around my shins. 

We drift off to sleep.  At least I do.  I have no idea what she’s up to, but at least she’s quiet until…

3:17AM

Lick.

Lick.

LickLickLickLick.

I am pulled out of whatever slumber I have achieved by the incessant scrape of a cat’s tongue against the side of my forehead.

Lick.  Lick.  LickLick.

“Ow!” 

Fun Fact: Cats' tongues can actually cause pain if you let them rub across the same spot of your sensitive flesh for too long.

Me: “Stop it!”

Kitty: “ But I luuuv you.”

Me: “You’re sweet, but it’s the middle of the night.”

Lick.

Me: “And that hurts!”

Kitty: “Harrumph.  Suit yourself.”

She hops downs from the bed and then up onto the TV stand by the window.

Kitty: “But since you’re up…”

Tap tap tap.

I toss the covers aside, get out of bed, and stomp over to the window, getting it open as fast as I can in my groggy state.

Me: “Fine!  Great!  Get out!  Have fun!”

She leaps into the night to terrorize the rodent population…whatever of it remains after her reign of destruction over our yard during the last few years.

Meanwhile, I return to my nice soft bed and…

Bladder:  “Um…we have a situation developing down here.”

Me:  “Can it wait two hours? The alarm will go off, and I will take care of you first thing.  I promise.”

Bladder:  “Maybe, but you know you’d sleep a lot better if you just took care of me now.”

Me: “Fine!”

Exit bed.  Do business.  Return to bed.

Brain:  “Hey, man.  Bladder said you were up.”

Me:  “He lies.  I’m asleep.”

Brain:  “You’re such a kidder.  Are you all set for that big meeting tomorrow?”

Me:  “I’ll be fine.  Go back to sleep.”

Brain:  “I would, but your kids are going to college in a few years and you haven’t saved up nearly enough money.”

Me:  “Sleep.  Please!”

Brain:  “Do you have any kind of plan in case a sunspot wipes out every electronic device on the planet?”

Me:  “Seriously?!?”

Brain:  “You really want to go back to sleep, don’t you?”

Me:  “Yes.”

Brain:  “Alright.  I’ll be quiet.”

Me:  “Thank you.”

I finally drift…back…off…to…

Tap tap tap.

Kitty: “I’m back.”

Me:  “And I’m ignoring you.”

Tap tap tap.

Tap tap tap.

Taptaptaptaptaptaptaptap.

Me:  “OKAY!!!”

I storm over to the window and let the cat back in.

Brain:  “Oh, so NOW we’re up.”

5:10AM

BEEP!  BEEP!  BEEP!

I turn off my alarm clock.  It’s been…not long enough since I was able to drift back asleep. 

Brain:  “I want to go back to bed.”

Me:  “Yeah, we’ll you should have considered that two hours ago.”

Brain:  “I wasn’t thinking!”

Me:  “That’s your one job!”

Brain:  “Just go back to sleep.  Please!!!”

Bladder:   “If I could have a word…”

Me and Brain:  “Crap.”

Bladder:  “No, actually, but if you wait a while…”

There’s no use resisting now.  I reluctantly emerge from my covers to start my day. 

The kitty is back curled up at the end of the bed.  Sound asleep.  How nice for her.

Some of us have to go to work.

- Alan Decker

@CmdrAJD on Twitter