Nathan's Laserium: StarWarsStarWarsStarWars

StarWarsStarWarsStarWars! I'm tempted to just write that 500 times and press submit. Done! But something tells me Miss Vampirenomad might not be so pleased. And then there's the risk of StarWars overdose. I think anyone who doesn't care about StarWars probably surpassed that mark many months ago. The rest of us, well, the wait is almost over. As this goes live I will once again be toiling away in the Spice Mines of Kessel (or something very similar) and won't actually be able to see StarWars until next week sometime at the earliest. Poor poor me. No spoilers! And in return I promise not to punch you in the face.

Another question, when writing about StarWars the week the new StarWars movie comes out, is what can one possibly say about StarWars that hasn't already been written and listicled and clickbaited to death? Shall I tell you the story of the first time I saw StarWars and how much it has meant to me over my life? No. I shall not. And neither shall you, thankyouverymuch.

All that’s really left is to talk about the coolest StarWars character ever. I won’t even make the easy but terrible joke of saying Jarjar. I am speaking, obviously, of Bossk. The most awesome bounty hunter in the galaxy! You heard me Boba Fett. The most awesomest, Bossksomest bounty hunter evah!

You know about these StarWars Anthology movies, yeah? They are making a bunch of StarWars movies that are all about exploring the fringes and secondary characters of the galaxy far, far away. One is already in the works, called Rogue Squadron, about the stealing of the Death Star plans. Yeah, so you see where I’m going with this. We need a Bossk movie!


What if we had a Bossk TV show? Maybe like a Netflix original. Here are some, whatdoyoucallthem, treatments I offer up for free to any studio exec or Disney honcho reading this. Of which there are plenty, I’m sure.

Who's The Bossk will be a warm-hearted family comedy about a down-on-his-luck Trandoshan, who, after losing out on a lucrative Imperial contract to his incompetent rival Boba Fett, decides to settle down on Kashyyyk and be a nanny for a wookiee family. There won't be any sexual tension like there was between Tony and Angela, but there will be that kind of tension- the word for which escapes me at the moment- that you feel when you go to work and are a little worried that your nanny might eat your children. What is that word? Well, you know what I'm talking about.

There are other things you could do with the character. Maybe he retired to the lava world of Mustafar to paint pastoral landscapes? Hieronymus Bossk.

To Tatooine to make robes for Jawas and Tusken Raiders? Hugo Bossk.

You get the idea. The possibilities are endless! And I am looking forward to seeing my favourite character get the spotlight he deserves. Thank you.




- Nathan Waddell