Nathan's Laserium: Dialogue in Need of a Screenplay

"Do you notice anything different about me?"

"Uh... new glasses?"




"I dunno. You shaved?"

"No! Some friend you are. I learned how to do differential equations!"




“Spencer’s coming? Nooo! I can’t handle that guy.”

“Oh come on, he means well. He’s just a bit awkward.”

“Yeah a little- he left a ‘Get Well Soon’ card at my dad’s funeral.”



"As you can see here this stromatoporoid clearly shows signs of -"

"It's a stromatolite."

"Didn't I tell you before to stop interrupting?"

"It's a stromatolite."

"Get out!"




"I can't sleep."

"Did you have some warm milk?"


"Did you try counting sheep?"


"Tense each of your muscles and then slowly relax them."

"Tried that."

"Hmm. And you sacrificed a virgin to Dread R'ylleth?"

"Of course."

"Well, try counting sheep again."



"Did I ever tell you about the time I was a giant monster?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"It's true. I mean, I've been the same size the whole time, obviously. It's just that these tiny aliens kidnaped me and used me as their dungeon monster and I had to eat all these little criminal aliens."

"Kind of like Jabba's Rancor monster?"



- Nathan Waddell