Nathan's Laserium: Slipspeartroll

I think that more soccer moms should listen to Slipknot. I'm not saying that no soccer moms listen to Slipknot. Just that more should. Like, all of them. And not just soccer moms. Everybody. They're just an excellent band. Don't let their masks and numbers and coveralls fool you- they are quality musicians who make excellent music. Once I was watching Slipknot performances on YouTube and my daughter Pallas was fascinated.

"So that's Kripknot?"

"Slipknot, yes."

"They're not scary, right?"

"Right. They are really very friendly. And they're just good musicians."

"They're MUSICIANS???"

"Um, yes. I'm not sure why that's surprising to you."

"Like wizards?"

"Ah. Not magicians. Musicians. They play music."

"They're MUSICIANS???"

No, that's mean, she didn't actually make that last remark.  And she loves listening to Kripknot.

As you would! Hey, if I can listen to Taylor Swift, anyone can listen to Slipknot.

You want heavy, fast, aggressive stuff to get you pumped up? Try People=Shit, All Hope Is Gone, The Blister Exists and Sarcastrophe.

How about slower, more introspective, even beautiful music? Vermilion Pt.2, Circle, Til We Die or XIX. Oh and the new single, Killpop.

How about fun party tunes?

Um.

For that I'd recommend another metal ensemble, one I've only recently discovered and am completely addicted to: TrollfesT.

About a month ago I was able to direct the Vampirenomad to some free tickets to the premiere of Mad Max: Fury Road. In gratitude she invited me to come. And I really wanted to. Even before the buzz about Imperator Furiosa it was a given because Tom Hardy! But I had a dilemma. There was a Finnish folk metal band called Ensiferum playing in town that same night. I really wanted to see them. But I only just discovered them, it's not like I've been waiting decades to see them and this was finally my chance. Still, Mad Max would be there all summer, and Ensiferum was her for one night only. So Finnish folk metal won the day.

It was such a good show.

And the highlight for me was the opening act called TrollfesT. They're a seven-piece Norwegian band that came out in blue face paint and labcoats and goggles and everyone was drumming and bearded and there was an accordion and it was definite Kaos. Only it was kontrolled kaos, in that they were playing really great, catchy music. I described them on Twitter as escapees from Discworld, maybe, or the Rat Queens' favorite band. They're one of my favorite bands now too.

After the show I was fortunate enough to have a couple of drinks with some of the guys. They told me their real names but their stage names are all things like Trollmannen and Trollbank and Manskow and Drekka Dag. Lodd Bolt! They perform in a sort of madeup language called Trollspråk. So it doesn't really matter that you can't understand a thing they say. Just scream along!

For starters I'd say just get their new album, Kaptein Kaos. It's so good. If you want to try a song or three first, then I'd say Ave Maria, Die Gross Echsen and the title track. And then Sagn Om Stein too! Their other albums are just as good. They do a couple of interesting covers, one of Tom Waits' God's Away On Business, and a song they performed at the show and it went over big, Toxic by Britney Spears. So there you go! TrollfesT man! You are very welcome.

And hey, speaking of Britney, and lest you think I only have extreme metal bands to recommend to you, I can also say you will get tremendous listening pleasure from a recent episode of the brand new podcast Mystery Show. Episode 2 concerns Britney Spears and I think you will enjoy it. All the episodes are good but you don't need to listen to them in order or anything. Give it a try!

Rrrrghh huff pfaw rrgh ruf stort.

(That is Bearspråk for "please enjoy and send me salmons.")

- Nathan Waddell