Nathan's Laserium: Old Bear

Editor's Note: This is a throwback post from Nathan's archives and it has a recommended musical accompaniment to enhance your reading experience. Go to your preferred legal downloading platform and grab Faith No More's track 'RV'. Play it while reading. Nathan Waddell: offering fully immersive literary experiences since, like, 2004.

You know that old kids' joke that goes 'what kind of grizzly has no teeth? A gummy bear'? Ha ha ha I don't think it's very funny. My teeth are worn down to nubs. My claws are weak and brittle. I can't catch a salmon to save my life. And when you're an old grizzly like me, that really is a matter of life and death. I see the young cubs eyeing me. Punks. They still show a little respect, though. For now. I can tell they're just waiting for a chance to bash my brains out and take my territory. Was a time when I'd kill them just for looking at me, but now I'm too tired. Nah, I've been thinking about it. Came up with an idea. I think I'll check myself into one of them old folks' homes they have in the human cities. There's a real nice one in the town not far from here- big picture window looks out onto the Rockies. I'll sit there in a rocking chair and look out the window. Maybe I'll meet the guy who tried to shoot me once for taking a short cut through his land. We'll laugh about it and order more iced tea, talking about old times. I'll show the nurses the scar from where an elk kicked me and broke two of my ribs. I'll be just another old bear.
Yeah I think that's what I'll do. Take a break. Time for a permanent hibernation.

- Nathan Waddell