Nathan's Laserium: The Sea Serpent

Back from Jamaica! We had a really great time. Lots of relaxing and lots of oceaning. Which brings me to this early-era poem I started in 2000 and only finished when I was scared Finding Nemo would use all the same jokes. Turns out I was safe, Finding Nemo didn’t have any jokes.


I met a sea serpent who lived in a tree

I said, "You shouldn't be there, you belong in the sea!"

"I know," said the serpent, "It's really not fair

"I was born in the sea but I hate it down there

"It's cold and it's dark and salty and wet

"And I ran up a very large gambling debt

"I only went one time to the race track

"But I bet all I had on a sea-horse named Jack

"Jack lost the race and I couldn't pay

"So I borrowed some cash for a few days

"But those loan sharks wouldn't leave me alone

"I have no knees they can break so they want my backbone

"That's when I did a very dumb thing

"I formed a counterfeit sand-dollar ring

"And paid the sharks off with the fake clams

"So they put a hit on me and I went on the lam

"Killer whales were hired and were right on my tail

"I turned myself in and the cops put me in jail

"But the mob is an octopus, arms everywhere

"They have informants and agents all over down there

"The scum of the sea, full of jelly and slime

"Smoking their seaweed and doing their time

"Moray eels, manta rays and my old enemy

"That squirmy, no good no-faced sea anemone

"I wasn't safe there with a price on my head

"If I turned my back for a second I'd be dead

"So I bribed the guards to let me go free

"I gave them solid goldfish as part of their fee

"The first chance I got I dropped out of my school

"And fled to this forest where it's dry and it's cool."

So that's why the sea serpent lives in a tree

Sounds kinda fishy if you ask me!

(May 29, 2003)


- Nathan Waddell

(Editor's Note: Welcome back, Nathan! We missed you!)