Torch and my sister, Mrs. Torch, got me these action figures called Mr. Bacon and Monsieur Tofu for Christmas. They're bendable and fundamentally opposed in terms of moral standing. So the idea, I think, is that you can work out your carnivore vs. vegetarian aggression the healthy way - through inanimate action figure wars. So far Balthazar and I have achieved a sort of draw in our battles with Mr. Bacon and Monsieur Tofu. Bacon will body slam Tofu and Tofu will retaliate by flipping Bacon onto his back. Bacon will recover to poke Tofu in the eyes and Tofu will head butt Bacon into submission. That sort of thing.

Yesterday, however, after a particularly long and rather full-on green theme party the night before, Emma (who crashed at our place) and Balthazar teamed up in hangover-induced grease cravings to subdue Tofu by cooking actual bacon in the kitchen.


I documented the victory for posterity because I don't intend to ever let it happen again. Monsieur Tofu will return with a vengeance.