In Which I Review Avatar

Not really. All the best jokes have already been made and I can't in good conscience do a serious review of what I consider to be a technically brilliant but mostly empty film. Sure, Pandora was pretty. FernGully was pretty too. I will say this: If you squint and stop time during the first military briefing you can see Balthazar off to the side. And I will say this: I don't mind that Avatar has surpassed Titanic's gross earnings (and I use 'gross' the way God intended it to be used) because I didn’t much like Titanic either.

I will also say that if George Lucas now initiates a 'my penis is bigger than yours' contest with James Cameron and we, the unfortunate viewing public, are subjected to Jar-Jar Binks in a 3D pod race with Shia LaBeouf to see who can find the alien midichlorian before Greedo shoots first... well... that is simply not alright. And I will have words for Jim. (Stronger words than I already had after Titanic, I mean. I sort of blamed Titanic on Celine Dion anyway because I remember both Aliens and The Abyss and what the hell happened to that guy, huh? I kind of liked that Jim.)